Meet Big Boy

He's here. Our little angel.

The baby we've anticipated arriving for what seems like an eternity.

We've spent months preparing for this moment, the moment we would become parents. 

The moment our lives would forever change.

I'm a mom. 

It's so surreal saying that...and feeling that. I'm somebody's mom. 

I didn't know how it would feel, until now. 

I'm a mommy to the most perfect sweet boy in the world. We are completely smitten and so in love.

We were welcomed by our boy on Thanksgiving Day. Truly a blessing.

A day we will always remember and celebrate.

A turkey baby.

Carson Louis Kutter

November 24, 2011

4:06 pm

9 pounds 5 ounces

20.5 inches

Shawnee Mission Medical Center

We had no idea how big he was. Our once called "Little Man," now referred to as "Big Boy."

The most precious big boy we have ever been so blessed to call ours.

Carson's Birth story:

The day you were born. A day that deserves ten thousand words.

I will write about it here, and cherish the details, and probably embarrass you with it someday. 

But I want you to know, I will remember this day forever.

It was November 16, my due date, and we had an option to induce tomorrow. 

It was scheduled, marked on the calendar and we were ready to welcome you. We were so eager to meet you, and hold you, and snuggle you. 

Then, I got cold feet.  I asked myself:

What if it's not time? Am I rushing him? Should I let him come when he is ready? 

So we decided to let you stay cozy and not rush it, and scheduled a second induction date for the day after Thanksgiving if you weren't to arrive by then. 

Call it mother's instinct, but I just knew you would come when you were ready. 

It was a very normal Wednesday (November 23), the day before the induction. It was a week past your due date. I had the day off, already in preparation of your arrival. And the arrival of all the family. Because the next day was Thanksgiving, and we had planned to feast before we welcomed you into the world.

 I nested like any other soon-to-be mom. Folding little onesies, organizing your closet, making sure your piggy bank was perfectly placed on the window sill in your room.

The room we would soon bring you home to.

Daddy got home around 6:00 and we sat down with a bowl of spicy taco soup around 7:30 joking with each other, "maybe he'll come tonight".

Half way through the spicy soup, I started having contractions. The same ones I had felt a few days before, but then they stopped. These felt the same so I thought nothing of it. 

A few hours later, the contractions were still there and becoming stronger...and closer together.

We still didn't believe it was time. We were so unsure after everything we had learned in our childbirth classes. I didn't want to rush to the hospital and get sent home. 

So we waited.

I took a bath, timed the contractions, and made sure our bags were ready...just in case it really was the real thing. Daddy napped on the couch with Jakey. 

At midnight, I woke Daddy up telling him we needed to think about heading to the hospital. The contractions had been present for 4.5 hours and they were getting painful. They were still a little inconsistent, but I was scared of waiting too long.

We made our way into the hospital hoping it was time. Time to meet you.

 We checked in, got settled into a room, and they checked my progress. I'll never forget when the nurse said I was dilated to a three and that we headed to the hospital at a good time.

What!? We're staying? I'm going to have my baby?

Complete joy flooded our hearts. 

From there, everything seemingly was progressing quickly. The contractions were getting painful so I got the epidural at 5.5 cm and my water broke on its own at six. We made phone calls and sent texts, and tried to contain our excitement.

We were going to become parents today.

  All of a sudden, the progression stalled. I was at 7 cm, and things weren't progressing. We waited and waited and waited for things to happen.

Waiting for you to make your way down.

We tried to sleep, but were way too anxious. I couldn't stop thinking about what we were about to experience. I so badly anticipated the moment they would lay you on my chest once you arrived. 

The moment I would be forever changed.

 After 16 hours of labor, the doctor broke the news. You were sunny side up causing extreme back labor, and the contractions were not strong enough to push you down into the birth canal. 

C-section would be the best option to bring you into the world.

I cried and cried and cried. I don't know why I was so upset, I just was. We had already worked so hard. 

You and me. Together. 

For nothing it felt. 

My heart yearned for that mother-baby moment I wasn't going to have.

 No pushing. No work. No sideline encouragement from Dad.

I wasn't going to experience that special time with you on my chest. 

My heart sank. Until your daddy made me realize what was really important. 

Preparing for you. 

It wasn't going to happen how we envisioned it, but at that moment, we knew we would hold you soon.

 I'll never forget seeing you held up over that curtain.

When Dr. Geidt shouted, "Oh Krista, he's beautiful! Such a big boy! Look at those cheeks!"

Daddy held my hand tightly and we cried together. Tears of happiness. A feeling we had never experienced before.

And when your Daddy brought you over to me. We cried some more.

That moment, my sweet baby, I will never forget.

I will take time to cherish all the little things...the sweet noises you make, the many facial expressions you already have, your beautiful blue eyes looking up at me, your chubby cheeks and the way you wrap your long finger around mine.

And your yawns. And your big brother's reaction to your yawns.

What makes me so lucky to have this beautiful baby?

I can't even explain the feeling. The feeling of being your mom.