I had my first normal meal today for the first time in four days.
We've had a lot of sickness running through our household lately, and well...a stomach bug just ransacked its way through all three of us this past weekend. With Brian and I getting the brunt of it.
It all started last Tuesday when we found our sweet angel covered in vomit around midnight.
I just stood there for a few seconds, looking at my baby covered. Preparing myself to clean up the mess, but mostly trying to calm my racing worrisome mommy thoughts.
And then he gave us the biggest smile you've ever seen, just as happy as can be, to be lying there in soiled sheets. So I picked up my baby covered in vomit and cuddled him. Because that's what mommies do.
He then received his second bath for the night and we did a load of laundry.
I then hurried to the iPad to research baby vomiting. It was a first for us, so I immediately went into mommy freak-out mode. He seemed very normal, and it only happened once, so we chocked it up to a new food upsetting his stomach.
And then Thursday came around and he didn't eat much at daycare...
And then Brian threw up all night...
And then I threw up all day the next day...
And then Carson got diarrhea...
And now we are recovering.
We just can't seem to stay sick-free. We found out yesterday that a "stomach bug" has been going around daycare. Several babies and teachers out with flu-like symptoms. I keep telling myself that C is just building an insanely strong immune system with superhero powers that will help him one day when he goes to kindergarten. Sigh.
Thanks to the stomach bug, my milk supply has dwindled and I'm having mixed emotions about putting Operation Wean in place.
When I first shared with you my breastfeeding experience, my goal was six months. I've made that goal. I've stuck it out longer than I hoped for. I should be happy, right?
But no, I for some reason am finding it hard to let go. I, of all people, never thought I would be this way.
It's a bit out of character for me really. I tend to seek the easy way in most things.
And breastfeeding is definitely not that at times. It's hard work and takes patience, motivation and diligence.
I don't know why it's such a hard decision for me. I actually only nurse him once a day (in the mornings), and the rest of the time I pump. So, it's not the bond that I'm struggling with solely.
I guess I'll feel like I didn't go as long as I could have? The feeling of quitting when I didn't have to.
Whatever I decide, I need to tell myself that I did good. And that I was successful for longer than I expected.
Carson will still be the same sweet, healthy baby, and we'll still have the same bond.
2 Comments:
I felt the exact same way! I also got sick and my supply decreased significantly. It was the saddest day ever. At first I thought I was just going to die if I didn't breasfeed him anymore and cry everyday, all day, but surely enough, I'm fine and Banks is fine too. I know it's hard. Whether you continue or stop, just know that you did a great job and that at some point you do have to stop - stopping doesn't mean you are a bad mom - i struggled with that! Good luck and i hope you all feel much better soon!
Oh, man, I've been there too. With both kids my goal was six months, and both self-weaned at different times. It's never easy and is always stressful, even though, like you, I was mostly pumping and not nursing during the day. It's weird because when you're in the thick of it, it can feel like such a ball and chain, but when it's ending, it's hard to let go. Whatever you decide, you're a great mama and everything will turn out okay. Good luck :)
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