Pressure

I've been feeling a lot of pressure these days.

It's like I'm running through a hailstorm, desperately trying to find somewhere to step inside, but every door I try is locked. So I continue to get nailed. All I have to do is find the one door that will let me inside, and I can't.

It's been occurring for several weeks now. This pressure I speak of.

I have knots in my back, and I've never had back problems before. I'm not sleeping very well. My mind is constantly racing. Ambien hasn't even worked (yes, I resort to drugs when I can't sleep for weeks at a time, don't judge).

Brian has asked, "Are you stressed? Are you having anxiety?"

Yes, we're busy and life is chaotic. But, that isn't slowing down anytime soon. And yes, I'm a planner and tend to be an over-analyzing perfectionist, but not able to handle pressure? No, that's not me.

Ok, I am an over-analyzing perfectionist. Couldn't be closer to it if I tried.

But today, after reading a friend's blog (about pulling the plug on her blog), I had an epiphany. Yes, a bring-you-back-to-high-school-reading-lesson epiphany.

No, I'm not pulling the plug on my blog (sorry friends, you're stuck with me).

I'm simply feeling pressured.

Pressure to blog. 

With pictures in every post, of course.

Pressure to not have to resort to frozen meals for dinner.

Because frozen pizza doesn't win you the mommy of the year award.

Pressure to have a spic and span home.

Because people will judge me if I hire a cleaning lady.

Pressure to get my pre-pregnancy stomach back.

 C'mon, it's been almost a year, what is taking so long?

Pressure to dress my kid cute for school.

 He cannot wear sweat pants everyday, can he?

Pressure to capture the perfect picture of my kid.

Then, post it to Instagram, Facebook and my blog.

Pressure to make his first Halloween memorable.

Because he's totally going to remember it.

Pressure to make a big deal out of every milestone.

And be sure to document them...pictures included.

Pressure to be the one who starts our family traditions.

If I don't, who will? 

Pressure to not feed my kid ice cream before he turns one.

Apparently, it's not ok to feed your kid sweets before one. 

Pressure to plan the perfect 1st Birthday.

Complete with color-coordinated and themed everything.

Pressure to finish C's baby book before said birthday.

I have all these pictures, and no book to show for it? 

Pressure to please everyone else.

And keep a smile on my face.

Pressure to keep up with all the other craftastic, artsy, involved moms.

What is this a competition?

Pressure to not scream and fall apart when I really want to.

For the love, quit your whining Krista.

Now, I know some of these sound extremely silly.

Especially since we have the east coast in shambles after Sandy. Including one of my dear friends who lives in Hoboken and just went six days without power.

But it's seriously a problem for me. I am pressuring myself about things that shouldn't even warrant pressure.

Who cares if we eat a frozen pizza for dinner or Carson's birthday plates don't perfectly match. Why am I causing all this anxiety and worry? Why do I care so much?

I come from a family with worry genes. I worry too much, and feel off kilter if one little thing isn't perfect. It's not ideal, nor who I want to be, I wish I could let go and not care...but it's the way I am.

I don't know...

how an anal, detail-oriented, obsessive planner (I have no idea who that might be) will learn to come to terms with not making everything perfect.

But I do know...

that something needs to change. I need to relax. Let things fall into place. Redirect my energy and focus on things that really matter. Don't sweat the small stuff.

I'm not the perfect blogger. I'm not the perfect wife. And I'm definitely not the perfect mother. But I do the best I can.

Lucky for me, I married one of the good ones. He's patient and laid back, and continually tries his damnedest to get me to relax. And puts up with my moodiness and antics when PMSing goes into overtime.

And that sweet, precious kid of mine? He doesn't give a damn about what he wears to school, how many pictures his baby book will contain, or if his birthday cake will be homemade or store bought.

If you're feeling pressured, mom or not, join me and just let go. Even if it's just for a day.

I must say, writing this really did help. Thank you for listening. Now go vote.

Bittersweet

I can't believe what I am about to tell you...

For two reasons:
1. I'm a little embarrassed to admit it
2. I didn't think it would happen this quickly

I am giving up my soap opera. There, I said it.

Yep, I decided it's time to give up The Young and the Restless. I have watched this show for several years now, when my friends Beth and Smack got me hooked in college.

I was very loyal to Y&R in the beginning, when I had massive amounts of time to nap, watch TV, be a college student. You know how it is. Constantly watching episodes of Friends and Sex and the City on DVD, going out on a Tuesday night, living the life. I seemingly had a lot of time in college to fill my life with meaningless crap.  But great experiences I might add:)

Well, we had a brief separation when I first moved to Kansas City, but we reunited about a year ago. I have been extremely loyal since; DVRing the damn show every day and taking about 45 min. of my time to watch each and every episode.

It's a huge time commitment considering the many other shows it competes with in my DVR list.

Sometimes, I would have so many racked up in our DVR list, that it would take the majority of my weekend days to catch up.

So, as I pondered this pointless show and how much time I spend watching it, I decided it was definitely time to call it quits. I thought to myself, am I really supposed to watch this show for the rest of my life? It's been around since the early 70s.

My husband is especially excited. He would comment EVERY time I watched how stupid the show was and how horrible the actors were on it.

Bye bye Y&R. I might miss you, but I will enjoy my five extra hours per week. However, I will always wonder if Sharon and Nick ended up together? Did that crazy psycho Patti finally get her shit together? Did Lily survive cancer?

I will most likely think about this several times a week. Because that is how crazy I am. I will see something that reminds me of Y&R, and I will ponder what happened to these dramatic, pointless, unrealistic characters' lives.

It's sort of a problem for me. I always do this. I wish my mind didn't think this way, but I don't decide what pops into it.

For example, every time I am in a park setting now with lots of bug noises around me, I think of Larry Schnackenberg. The man who recently went missing here in KC. He was found in a park where he was hiding out for 3 weeks. I continually ponder to myself what he was thinking and doing out there for all that time. Or, when I see a car wreck, I remember the time that me and Brian and friends were driving back from Colorado in a severe ice storm, when we passed a car flipped over in oncoming traffic. I always wonder what happened to that family in the car and if they are ok today.

So here's to Y&R...may I always be bitter about not knowing the ending, but know it's a sweet trade for the extra time.

The Ugly Truth

I start sentences with the word "and". I use the word "like" when I talk. I sometimes have spastic outbursts where my husband asks 'who are you?'. I frequently dance when nobody is watching. I always over analyze and worry. I am extremely gullible. I'm not very laid back. I like to plan everything. I'm pretty blunt and will tell you what I think. And I do a lot of things that people might not understand.

I also watch reality TV.

Like, a lot of it.

It's the truth and I don't try to hide it. Honestly, there probably aren't too many reality TV shows I don't watch. I love the drama, the craziness, the crying, the fighting, the immaturity and everything else that comes with it.

I just can't help it. I can't pull myself away from watching these overly addictive programs.

So, I thought it would be appropriate to blog about the upcoming, newest reality TV show to hit your screen Aug. 9. I will definitely be watching.

It looks freakin' awesome!

The Bachelor Pad

Nineteen of the most unforgettable former contestants reunite in the Bachelor mansion to compete for $250,000 and perhaps a second chance at love (errr, yeah right).

Each week, they'll square off in head-to-head challenges to compete for immunity and the opportunity to go on a date with the contestant of their choice. The winner of the challenge will then grant immunity to one of his or her dates via the presentation of a rose (so original).

At the end of each episode, the contestants will vote amongst themselves to determine which cast members will be eliminated from the competition.
 
Multiple crazies are returning including Michelle from Jake's season and Wes from Jillian's season. There are also some other well-knowns including Jake himself (boo), the Weatherman, Tenley, Gia and Kipton, just to name a few.
 
I'm sure it will packed full of drama and excitement, excessive hook ups, emotional roller-coaster outbursts, backstabbing and let's not forget...falling in love.
 
Thanks ABC, just another one to add to the list.

Severe A-D-D

I spent the last two days sitting in a room full of energy-guzzling computers taking a Photoshop class. Both Thursday and Friday, 8:30-4:30 at a computer training facility in Overland Park.

My company is really big on training. They encourage it at all levels. So, as one of my yearly goals, I wanted to take a Level 2 Photoshop class. Really because I needed three goals to achieve, and this was an easy one:)! I know the program to an extent, but it is so complex, I felt I needed the extra knowledge.

After taking the class, a few thoughts:

1. I know Photoshop more than I thought I did (at least some of the material that was covered, I already knew).

2. I'm not cut out for all day training courses. I have uber A-D-D. I kept finding myself fidgeting in my chair, watching the clock, constantly looking at my phone for new emails/texts or waiting for it to be over.

3. Annoying people that ask really dumb questions over and over drive me absolute nuts. I almost couldn't stand it. It was really hard to just bite my tongue and not yell "If you were freakin' listening and paying attention to the instructor, you wouldn't have to ask over and over how to do it! Open your ears and use your brain!"

4. It reminded me of being back in school. My opinion, not fun.

So, I would like to give a shout out to all my friends that are pursuing (or have already) a new degree or Masters! I now understand it's not an easy endeavor at this time in our lives, and I give all of you major kudos!

I think I have everyone:)? Sorry if i left anyone out, but this is who I know of!

Megan Green
Adriane Falco
Bethany Sterrett
Ashley Lang
Mark Wellmeyer
Lauren Bakian
Julie Bowen (she obtained right after her graduate degree, but she still deserves kudos)

Daydreamin'

So here's some random thoughts I have at this very moment.

I'm excited for...
The Bachelorette! New season starts tonight featuring a guy from my highschool. Although, I talked to him on fb and he goes home the first night:( I'm still so excited for the show. Loved Ali last season!

I'm proud of...
My dear friend Hännah! She just found out TODAY that she is not going to get laid off. This is due in large part to her dedication, hard work and loyalty. To give you a better idea of how wonderful she is, of the 35 non-tenured teachers at her school, only 3 didn't get laid off. She is a great person, teacher and friend. Truly an inspiration and one of the most genuine people I have the pleasure of knowing.

I'm dreaming about...
Mexico! Boy do I miss waking up with a mimosa or bloody mary in my hand!

I'm pleased with...
My motivation to work out lately. I'm totally not a morning person, and I have successfully transformed into a morning worker-outer!

I'm missing...
All my out-of-town friends. This photo doesn't even begin to encompass nearly everyone, but this picture is great. Too bad it's not from the Iguana Mirage night club.

I can't wait for...
My girls trip to NY in August!

I'm not looking forward to...
Cleaning the house. It's been before Mexico that I even touched the floors or dusted. Ewwwwwww, I know. We have an out of town friend staying with us on Thursday, so the cleaning must happen. Boo.

I'm thankful for...
My boys! I don't take enough opportunities to tell my hubby how much I appreciate him. So here's to you baby! Thanks for being the greatest friend, listener, confidant, snuggler, supporter and motivator a girl could ever ask for.

I'm craving...
Ice cream! Or a strawberry slush cream pie shake from Sonic! According to Hip2Save (link below), Sonic has buy one, get one free shakes until June 27! Haven't been to Sonic to try it out yet, but tonight might be the night!

Hip2Save Sonic Deal

I'm nutty about...

Blogging! Is it bad that many of my thoughts during they day are now followed by ways I can turn them into blog posts? Yes, that's sad! Geez...get a life!